First off: It’s a girl! The TechBrew baby squad has a new addition with Anna Ruth Woodman. (No word yet when she’ll be blogging.)

When a geek dad like me is stuck in waiting rooms and hospital guest chairs for hours on end, coupled with lack of sleep, we tend to get a bit carried away with wanting hi-tech solutions to age-old problems. Here are the top three things I wish I had for birthing in the information age:

#1. Mobile Cervix Monitor with RSS and Twitter Capabilities

You just never know when baby will come until mom’s cervix does its thing. Rather than wait for the doctor to check (or water to break), use the Mobile Cervix Monitor to keep tabs on baby’s pending arrival.

The MCM is a standard latex diaphragm installed with a low-power bluetooth chip and a pressure sensor built into the rim of the diaphragm. Cervical dilation and effacement data would be monitored and beamed to mom’s cellphone, which would both alert mom to changes and update an RSS feed for dad. Really social moms could enable the option that sends updates to Twitter as well.

#2. Daddy’s Diaper Monitor

The DDM would have a blue-tooth or wireless transmitter that velcro’s to the front of a diaper. Real-time data would be monitored by a network-aware app on your local PC, which not only can send out alerts (email, RSS, Tweets), but can provide statistical graphing on just how long it takes food to go from bottle to bottom.

#3. Mommy Wants Ice Cream Alert System

The MWICAS functions by simple electrodes placed on the scalp of the new mom. She is instructed to think about ice cream, and the system records the neural patterns. Whenever the pattern is detected again, the system sends alerts to dad right away. This system probably shouldn’t have an RSS feed, because a standard 15-minute refresh cycle on a typical Feed Reader is guaranteed to be 14.5 minutes too late.  (I recommend using the SMS option whenever possible.)

I’m feeling generous to the LazyWeb, so I haven’t patented these ground-breaking ideas. I’ll just be happy when somebody builds them and sends me a prototype. Thanks in advance. Oh, and I could really use #2 and #3 later today, if that isn’t too much trouble. I think somebody needs ice cream.